The Boggart
by Khell
Summary: If Severus Snape met a Boggart, what would he see? Remus Lupin finds out when Snape encounters a Boggart in the teachers' staff room. Spoilers for DH.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters. They're all JKR's. I only like to play with them. ;)

*****

**The Boggart**

Remus looked up when he heard the staff room's door open and close.

"Ah, Severus."

His friendly smile was greeted with an icy glare and silence.

With a mental sigh, Remus returned his attention to the essays he was grading. He really tried but Severus Snape still seemed determined to hate him just as much as he had during their schooldays. Right, so it wasn't as if all his sufferings at the hands of the Marauders had been imagined, but except for that "werewolf-incident", it couldn't have been that bad. Or could it? Maybe he, Remus Lupin, had turned a blind eye on James' and Sirius' doings for so long that at some point, he just had stopped to notice.

_Got up, brushed teeth, humiliated Snivellus, had breakfast ..._

Not a very nice train of thought, especially since he _was_ heartily sorry. But try to apologise to a Severus Snape who was looking at you down his nose as if you were nothing more than dirt under his fingernails ... Remus wouldn't have been surprised to find out that the man actually could out-stare a basilisk. The thought almost made him snicker.

Snape must have noticed something, a slight change in his expression maybe. He opened his mouth to speak. However, a noise from the cupboard cut him off.

Snape frowned. He cast a suspicious look at Lupin, then crossed the room in two swift strides, drawing his wand.

The man had good instincts, Remus had to give him that, and he was quick with his spells even though he pretended to despise "silly wandwaving", but maybe a warning ...

"Ah, Severus, don't -"

Too late. He had already opened the cupboard. Despite himself, Remus leaned forward. Unlike Snape, he knew there was a boggart in the cupboard. He had asked Dumbledore for permission to use it for his third-years to practise the Riddikulus-spell on it. He was quite curious what it would turn into for Snape. A werewolf maybe? He had been terrified, back then. Remus still could remember the distinct smell of his fear.

Something came out of the cupboard - fell out of it, actually - and hit the floor with a dull thud. Remus craned his neck, half rising from his chair. He couldn't see what it was - Snape was blocking his view.

A strangled sound directed his attention to the man. Snape was staring at the floor, slowly shaking his head. Remus couldn't see his face but he noticed Snape was clutching his wand so tightly he was close to snapping it. His hand was trembling.

"Severus?"

No reaction, no indication that Snape had heard him.

"It's only a boggart, Severus."

Snape nodded like someone in a deep trance.

"Rid ... Riddi ..." His voice sounded as if someone were strangling him. The wand dropped from his fingers. He shook his head. "Can't," he croaked.

Remus frowned. Severus Snape unable to deal with a boggart? The Severus Snape who had known more curses in his first year at Hogwarts than most of the seventh-years?

He got up. "Let me -"

"No. Out."

Remus frowned. "I can deal with it."

Snape turned his head to look at him. "Get out."

It wasn't his tone that made Remus scramble for the door. His voice was barely above a whisper. It was the look on Snape's face that convinced Remus something must be horribly wrong. Even at his best, Severus Snape wasn't exactly the image of health. But now, he looked almost like a corpse, his eyes dull and his face drained of all blood. It was enough to persuade Remus he better go for help.

He slammed the staff room's door shut behind him and looked up and down the corridor. No one there, not even one of the students. While he was still trying to make up his mind whether to send a house elf for Dumbledore or go himself, he saw McGonagall coming down the corridor towards him.

"Minerva!" he called.

She smiled at him but when she saw the look on his face, her smile turned into a frown. "Remus. What's wrong?"

"Get Albus - quick!"

To her credit, she didn't ask. When she perceived the urgency in his voice, she just nodded and while she was taking the next step, transformed into a tabby cat. Remus watched her running down the corridor much faster than she could have run in her human form.

What now? Wait here for Dumbledore? Or return to the staff room? But Severus didn't want him in there. Why couldn't the man deal with that boggart? What was it showing him?

_Whatever - he wants to keep it private,_ Remus reasoned with himself.

A tiny voice at the back of his mind told him that, still, he shouldn't leave Severus Snape alone to face a horror he obviously couldn't deal with.

_Go in there and get rid of the boggart for him,_ it said.

Of course he could have done it in the wink of a moment. He knew he was capable of handling a boggart. It wasn't the first time he met one, after all. Only he didn't think that Severus would ever forgive him for that. No, he had been told to get out and he would stay out of the room. He wasn't going to help Snape just to be sneered at for his efforts.

_Coward,_ the tiny voice whispered.

He ignored it. Over the years, he had grown quite accustomed to ignoring it.

Finally, after what seemed to him like hours, Remus heard hurried footsteps. Dumbledore turned around the corner, McGonagall - now her human self again - in tow.

"Remus. What happened?" The usual twinkle was missing from the headmaster's blue eyes.

"I'm not sure." Remus took in a deep breath. "Severus opened the cupboard, the boggart came out -"

"Merlin's beard! I forgot to warn him." Dumbledore put his hand on Remus' shoulder. "Come, I might need your help."

He opened the door and ushered him into the staff room.

"Minerva," he said over his shoulder, "would you please be so kind to ensure we aren't disturbed."

McGonagall nodded.

Remus was still standing by the door when Dumbledore closed it behind them. From here, he could see what the boggart had turned into for Snape. He sucked in a sharp breath. A dead body. More precisely, Lily Potter's dead body, battered and broken and mutilated almost beyond recognition. The gruesome sight made his stomach knot up. He was glad he had skipped breakfast - he wasn't sure he could have kept it down. But he was also puzzled. Why Lily? He looked up in search for the room's other occupant.

Snape was slumped in the chair closest to the boggart, bent over, face buried in his hands. At first Remus thought he was trembling but then he realised the man was crying.

Dumbledore lightly touched his shoulder.

"Take care of the boggart," he whispered.

Remus nodded. He stepped forward, wand drawn, while Dumbledore swept past him to get to Snape. The boggart, sensing a new victim, immediately concentrated on him and turned from Lily's body into a bright full moon. Remus had been ready for that sight.

"Riddikulus!" he called.

The moon transformed into a yellow balloon that propelled itself back into the cupboard as it lost air. Remus quickly slammed the door shut and locked it with a spell. He turned at the other two men. He wasn't sure whether he ought to leave or not. This was none of his business. He had seen more than Snape had wanted him to see already - and he was sure he would pay for that later. No hexes or curses but Snape knew how to throw remarks that hurt just as much. But he couldn't bring himself to leave. Dumbledore might still need him. And he wanted to know ...

_Who would have thought, Lily and Snape._

No, there was no "Lily and", there was only Snape. He was aware that Lily and Severus had been friends when they had first come to Hogwarts. But over the years, they had grown ever more distant. Lily eventually had dropped the friendship, claiming that Severus had started to move in circles she didn't want to have anything to do with. Remus was pretty sure that the only way she thought about her childhood friend was regretting that his actions and turn of character finally had lead to the end of the friendship. But maybe - it only occurred to him now, after having seen Snape's boggart that maybe, Severus had felt more than just friendship for Lily.

_Well, if he did, he sure managed to fool us all._

He returned his attention to Dumbledore. The headmaster was crouching before Snape, one hand on the man's knee, the other one gently prying away one of Snape's hands from his face.

"Severus," he said softly, "Severus, my boy. I'm so sorry you had to see that."

Severus looked at the older wizard. Remus gasped at the grief, the despair that showed on his face. Only for a moment, then Snape, noticing him, had himself under control again. Only the traces of his tears on his face and a haunted look in his eyes gave away that he was, in fact, not quite all right.

"That's it, isn't it?" he whispered. "That's what she looked like after - after that bloody -" His face contorted in hatred.

"Hush, boy." Dumbledore seized Severus' shoulders. "That's only your worst fear, not what really happened."

Remus suddenly understood why Dumbledore trusted Snape beyond any doubt. If Severus had indeed loved Lily and Voldemort had killed her -

"But then what?" Severus burst out in anguish, "what happened? Why did you always refuse to tell me?"

"I thought it better not to tell you, especially -"

"Oh, don't worry, I won't run off to do something - rash." Some of the usual steely edge was back in Snape's voice. "I wouldn't want to endanger all your careful planning."

Dumbledore sighed. "I'm not worried about my planning going to waste, Severus."

Snape glared at him for a moment longer, then slumped again. "Yes, I know." He rubbed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a second. "Please - tell me now. It can't be any worse than what I'm making up in my mind."

Dumbledore nodded. "You're right. I should have told you long ago."

He righted himself, pulled another chair up to Snape's and sat down.

"But first -" He looked up at Remus and smiled. "Remus, I believe you're always carrying an emergency supply of chocolate with you?"

Remus nodded. He quickly searched his numerous patched-up pockets and finally dug up a bar of chocolate he handed to the headmaster.

"Excellent." Dumbledore removed the silver wrapping and broke off a good chunk of it. "Eat, Severus. There's nothing like chocolate after a nasty shock like that."

Snape made no effort to hide his disgust but started to eat. He also threw Remus a very nasty look. Remus had to be no Legilimens to know what that look meant.

_One word, werewolf ..._

He made a small gesture that indicated his lips were sealed. Snape gave him a slight nod in acknowledgement. He would keep Remus' secret as long as Remus kept his.

Dumbledore put a hand on Snape's arm. "It happened very quickly, Severus," he said, "a Killing Curse. I doubt she even felt it. You know how quickly that spell kills."

"He didn't - do anything else to her?" Snape nibbled another tiny piece of the chocolate. His free hand tightened on the arm of the chair it was resting on.

"Nothing, Severus. Just the Killing Curse."

"Swear it," Snape demanded in his usual commanding tone.

Remus straightened, wanting to object to his tone. Dumbledore raised his hand to stop him.

"I swear, Severus, on everything that I hold dear."

Snape nodded and took a deep breath. "I think I can deal with that knowledge."

Dumbledore smiled and patted his arm. "I'm sure you can. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you any sooner."

Snape managed something like a crooked smile. "You should. Might have spared me one sleepless night out of two."

For a minute or two, they remained silent. Remus noticed that Dumbledore kept his hand on Snape's arm.

Severus bit off another piece of chocolate and glared up at Remus.

"This stuff is disgusting - even more sickeningly sweet than usual."

Remus shrugged and smiled. "Chocolate with extra sugar. It's much better for countering the after-effects of a too close brush with a Dementor."

Snape snorted.

A soft rap on the door made them all turn their heads.

The door opened and McGonagall stuck her head in. "I was just wondering whether everything -"

She broke off and stared at Snape. Or rather at the chocolate in his hand. He just raised his eyebrows at her. She slightly shook her head and blinked. Maybe she thought she was hallucinating.

"Everything is just fine, Minerva." Dumbledore got up. "And it's time I returned to my office. I'm expecting an owl. And that reminds me - I wanted to talk to you about the O.W.L. exams, Minerva. If you would accompany me ..."

It was McGonagall's turn to raise her eyebrows. It was pretty early in the year to discuss O.W.L.s. She didn't protest, however, and left together with Dumbledore.

In the staff room, Remus and Snape remained, the former still standing by the cupboard, the latter sitting in his chair, finishing the last bit of chocolate. Remus didn't know what he was waiting for. Surely not for Snape to elaborate on what he had just witnessed.

Snape frowned at the molten chocolate on his fingers. He pulled a handkerchief from a hidden pocket and wiped them clean.

"So you -" Remus started just to say something.

He wasn't really sure what he was going to say but what was on his mind was Lily Potter. And Severus Snape.

"I loved her. I still do - and I always will."

Snape let the words hang in the air between them for a moment. Then, he bent down, picked up his wand and got up from his chair.

"Excuse me - I have Potions classes in ten minutes."

He strode through the room, opened the door and closed it again after him with a soft click. Remus looked after him, wondering whether Snape really had said what he thought he had heard. Most likely, he had. It sure would explain a lot ...

--- End ---


End file.
